Please please let this Paris Hilton movie poster be a joke.

Gamelink is offering Britney Spears $1m for a Paris Hilton lesbian sex tape.

The AP has yanked their Paris Hilton Drunk Elephants story. Not sure how you simply retract a story that had quotes in it from multiple people (including Paris) with no explanation other than that Paris rep says that she never said anything about the elephants.

Original Story

Paris Hilton has found her charitable calling - drunken elephants. I kid you not.

"The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them."

Last month, six wild elephants that broke into a farm in the state of Meghalaya were electrocuted after drinking the potent brew and then uprooting an electricity pole.

"There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn't chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad."

UPDATE: The AP has retracted this story.

I'll wait for further confirmation before fully believing that Paris Hilton lost her inheritance of the Hilton millions due to her ($60 million) due to - well, just being Paris.

Nothing would be funnier than Paris going back to jail. Here's hoping that the judge asks her if she's feeling better now (as in not suicidal, stressed, etc) - she says yes - and he says back to jail with you then.

UPDATE: YES!!

Count me as those on the side of hoping Paris goes to jail for violating her DUI probation. I'm more than a little tired of seeing event after event of unacceptable celebrity behavior go unpunished - its time for a crackdown.

Girls-Gone-Wild guy Joe Francis was on Howard Stern talking about whether Paris Hilton or Tara Reid was better in bed.

When Stern asked Francis who gave the best oral sex, he responded, "Paris is the best ... Paris is amazing in bed ... better than anyone."

Their parents must be so proud of them.

Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson may be starring in a reality show where they instruct virgins on the finer points of sex. Decent idea, but it'll never happen.

It was only a matter of time before Britney flashed her vagina at the photographers in good lighting. Of course she was with Paris Hilton at the time.

I'm just wondering how much longer till we get a picture of her clit? I say within 2 months, she'll be dancing with no panties on and doing a little squat and we'll be subjected to her spread open vagina.

My first question: is there really a demand for softcore photos of an impersonator, when everyone has already seen hardcore video of the original.

"It wasn't her fault; a lot of young people take these sort of pictures.

"You think you are in love with a boy, decide to do a video and, all of a sudden, it gets into the wrong hands.

The allegations stem from an episode of reality show The Simple Life: Interns, when Hilton reportedly offered teens marijuana and bourbon to "loosen them up" for a taped segment. One of the teens involved has told police, "She loaded myself and two other underage kids on shots of Jack Daniels to loosen us up for the show."

The 24-year-old hotel heiress, star of "The Simple Life" reality series, tells Newsweek magazine that when she was younger, "I thought it was cute to play a dumb blonde. On TV, I do it because it's funny. I consider myself a businesswoman and a brand."

In March, Itzler offered to make Paris Hilton a superstar escort, saying she could make $52 million a year with his guidance.

Q: Do you read blogs?

HILTON: What's that?

Q: Um, they're these things on the Internet where people write about news and stuff.

HILTON: No, I don't really read anything on the Internet except my AOL mail. I don't like people who sit on computers all day long and write about people they don't know anything about.

PNA's catchy new slogan -- "Sex is a Nine Letter Word" -- and presented her with a t-shirt emblazoned with the slogan referencing the nine letter word p-i-t-u-i-t-a-r-y. "That's hot," Hilton said of the t-shirt, adding, "People should know more about a gland that most of us NEVER even think about. It's a really good cause."

"I'm friends with a lot of guys. I have girlfriends too, but for the most part, I'm friends with guys, because girls are kind of backstabbing."

The sweet nothings were written inside sappy greeting cards with photos of puppies. Another missive was accompanied by photos the heiress had cut out of a magazine showing herself looking glum with the headline: "Paris feels real pain." "Dear Nick, This is how I look and feel when I'm away from you," she wrote.

One card signed, "Paris, AKA Le Bean," wishes Carter a happy birthday (which falls on Jan. 28), and states: "I don't want you to ever worry because I would never [bleep] this up for anything in the world. It's been really hard for me these past couple of months and I'm so happy I found you. You are the [bleep] and I love you to death."

"I don't really care about sex. If I'm in a relationship, we don't even do anything, really. We just watch TV. I'm too lazy. I'd rather kiss."